15 Mini-Rants…
1. To all you TWILIGHT fans,
if your entire line of defense boils down to “well, in the books they…” or “if you read the books you’d…” then you have no line of defense. I shouldn’t have to read four books to understand what is going on or what the characters motivations are in a movie. I didn’t have to read the Harry Potter books to “get” the films nor did I have to read the Lord of the Rings trilogy to “get” the movies. Your favorite films are flawed and pathetic.
Time to grow up.
2. To Stephanie Meyers,
congratulations! You’ve single-handedly managed to set feminism back 25 years!
You fucking twit.
3. To horror fanboys,
if you’re going to spend half your time bitching about remakes and the other half watching sequels, might I suggest you shut the fuck up.
You’re part of the problem.
4. To Christians,
this is not, nor has it ever been, a “Christian nation”.
Get over it.
5. To podcasters,
pick a schedule and stick with it. I need to be distracted while I’m at work and you bastards are not helping.
Ben and Dan, I’m looking at you.
6. To Christmas shoppers,
if you choose to wait to go shopping during the busiest hours of the day, don’t complain that you have to stand in line. You should have gotten out earlier.
Stuff it.
7. To Kim,
if I still wanted you in my life, I wouldn’t have dumped your psychotic ass 10 years ago.
Seek help.
8. To all those people out there that think Christmas is the greatest time of the year,
knock it off. You’re depressing me.
I hope you choke.
9. To the assholes at Facebook,
I think I know better than you who I would like to add to my friends list.
There’s a reason I’ve avoided the assholes I went to school with for all these years.
10. To the jerk-off who decided to let their dog sit on my sidewalk,
if I find you, I will beat you to death.
With your dog.
11. To the people who come up to me and ask for change,
get a job. If you can’t find a job, rob a bank.
Either way, leave me the fuck alone.
12. To those people who think the world is going to end in 2012,
I hope it does.
Just so I can get away from your stupid asses.
13. To Glenn Beck,
please start taking your medication.
You’re scaring the children.
14. To all the movie studios,
putting a Larry King quote on the front of your DVDs does not make me want to buy them.
It just tells me that you couldn’t get someone who matters to give you a quote.
15. To all you people reading this,
feel free to leave pissy comments.
Because I need a number 16.