Films That Witness Madness

review

THE CENTERFOLD GIRLS

THE CENTERFOLD GIRLS seems to give truth to the allegation that the slasher film is nothing more than misogynistic pornography. Its structure resembles that of an omnibus film, recounting the terrorizing and eventual murders of three nude models by an uptight, self-righteous madman. It is an exceedingly seedy little film - grimy, offensive and debasing - all the more so for essentially telling the same tale three times over, each time upping the ante in regards to nudity and rape. It even seems to support its antagonist's twisted reason for murder. "Displaying your body is filth! You dirty the minds of others!", he says. What he really means is "you dirty the minds of men" and it would appear, if we take this film at its word, that that is true. Every male in this film is a total pig. One even attempts to rape a woman but stops when she doesn't fight back. "When it comes that easy, baby, it's not worth it", the would-be rapist says in disappointment. If the moral media watchdogs out there needed ammunition for their arguments, they could find no better film than THE CENTERFOLD GIRLS

I'm not even sure exactly what the films writers, Arthur Marks and Bob Peete, were going for when they wrote this. What was the point of splitting the films narrative into three separate chunks? What was gained from doing that? Changes of scenery, sure, but what else? Nothing. There was no reason for it. Had the three episodes been combined into one cohesive whole, the film might have played better. As it stands, the three episodes vary so wildly in content that the overall film feels thrown together, schizophrenic even.

The first story has Jackie - a yummy Jaime Lyn Bauer - taking in a young woman only to find herself tormented and nearly gang raped by her obnoxious hippie friends. She manages to escape by kicking the Manson-esque leader in the balls and seeking shelter with her landlord and his wife. After he reveals his plans to rape her - as mentioned in the intro, this is where the disgust at a non-protesting rape victim comes into play - he takes off, leaving Jackie to have her throat cut by Clement Dunne, the films psycho killer. There is literally no point to this episode. It doesn't contain a single tense or believable moment, nor is it anything other than completely annoying - try to sit still as the hippies scream "thank you, Jackie!" over and over again for damned near five minutes straight. It's just a half hour of noise thankfully buoyed by Bauer's often-nude presence.

The second episode fairs no better. Charly and a couple other models take off to an isolated island location for a photo shoot. The crew consists of a couple of ex-lovers and a hunky photographer. This largely meandering episode is responsible for the majority of the body count in THE CENTERFOLD GIRLS as every single character is sliced and diced by Dunne - well, except for one anyway. It's like a Cliff's Notes version of every second tier giallo ever made, speeding along without establishing anything in the way of characterization or suspense. Thankfully, this segment allows director John Peyser to show off some of his skill. Darkly lit interiors, tight editing and excellent use of sparse mise en scene spice things up a bit here and there but, like the episode that preceeded it, there just isn't anything of substance to be found in its narrative. In terms of storytelling, it's completely vacuous. Pretty, sure, but vacuous.

The third episode is the best, although I must admit personal bias. I'm quite partial to Tiffany Bolling - I know I'm not the only one, right? - and have been ever since seeing THE CANDY SNATCHERS. Here Bolling plays Vera, a stewardess who flees her home after her roommate is mistakingly slashed to death during a party - for someone who spends an awful lot of time fixated on the nude photos of his soon-to-be victims, Dunne sometimes has a hard time recognizing them. Unfortunately for Vera, she can't quite shake her stalker. On her return trip home, her car blows a tire and she accepts a ride from two on-leave Navy boys who drug her and rape her. After waking up naked in a hotel room, she accepts a ride from our psycho lady killer - you'd think she would have learned the first time that accepting rides from strangers isn't a good idea - and soon realizes who he really is. A fight to the death ensues.

As previously mentioned, this is the best of the bunch. It's reasonably tight and somewhat entertaining. It's also the only episode in which we get to spend any significant amount of time with our antagonist - played by Andrew Prine, the best actor in the whole damned film. While the finale is a bit rushed and blase - it's really more like a scuffle and not a fight to the death - it's nonetheless satisfying. But that might have more to do with the 90 straight minutes of disappointment that preceeded it than anything else.

If I had to commend THE CENTERFOLD GIRLS on anything, it would be its cast. Our three female leads are all likeable enough - Bauer is decent, Jennifer Ashley is adequate, and Bolling is, well, awesome in a way only Tiffany Bolling can be - but the secondary cast is filled with some very recognizable - if not borderline terrible - genre/b-movie staples. Aldo Ray, Francine York, Janus Blythe, Dennis Ollvieri, Teda Bracci, Tallie Cochran, John Hart, Janet Wood, Mike Mazurki and Connie Strickland all make appearances, providing enthusiasts a chance to see some old faces in action. But the real star of the show is Andrew Prine in the role of Clement Dunne. Granted, there isn't much to the character but Prine's delivery and mannerisms create a truly memorable character in an otherwise forgettable film - whoever had the idea to dress him up like a Bible salesman is a freaking genius. With his Joseph Cotton-esque voice and full-on geeky appearance, Prine easily steals the show.

Overall, THE CENTERFOLD GIRLS is an absolute waste of time for those people expecting some horror with their T&A. It's pure misogynistic trash.

DISCUSS THIS FILM IN THE FORUM! JUST CLICK HERE TO VISIT!