Films That Witness Madness

review

COUNTRY CUZZINS / MIDNIGHT PLOWBOY

You generally know what kind of film you're going to get when Boxoffice International Pictures appears pre-credits. The distributing company responsible for unleashing such cinematic trash as KIDNAPPED COED, THE PIGKEEPER'S DAUGHTER, and KISS ME QUICK! into drive-ins and second-rate theaters in the 60s and 70s, BIP specialized in low-cost sex and violence flicks. Harry Novak, the main man behind the scenes of BIP, had a Val Lewton-type quality in knowing how to get people in their seats. The flicks he produced were pure skin flicks that came THIS CLOSE to being hardcore. Novak's films are what I like to refer to as "Chicken Shit Porn" in that they appeal mostly to people who are too chicken shit to actually buy pornography.

Well, perhaps that's a bit unfair. I'm sure there are people out there whose interest levels decrease as the bodily fluids start a-flyin'. Unfortunately, I'm not one of them. Pornography in general doesn't interest me much. I don't lounge around on lazy Saturday afternoons watching pornography while eating Cheerios on the couch. I'm not averse to pornography, nor do I think it's an invalid mode of cinematic expression. I just don't have anymore of an interest in it than I do in shockumentaries - though, truth be told, I have seen my fair share of both. However, that being said, I feel somewhat disappointed whenever I watch films like COUNTRY CUZZINS. Novak's films are often sexually perverse and teeter right on the edge of hardcore. When they putter out or don't go all the way, you feel somewhat cheated. It's like watching those terrible sex dramas on Cinemax late at night except the production values are nowhere near as good.

But to complain about missing penetration shots is to miss the point of these kinds of flicks. These were films made to satisfy the raincoat crowd but still pass through the censorship boards without being branded the deadly X of death. Many were never even submitted to the MPAA for certification, a nifty little tactic used to skirt by the censors but still appease those theaters that wouldn't touch hardcore. A film like MIDNIGHT PLOWBOY with it's countless shots between spread legs is really just a compromise between the two. It's about pulling the thread as tight as you can without it breaking.

COUNTRY CUZZINS and MIDNIGHT PLOWBOY are both constructed in the average porno way. Both films feature just enough dialogue to make you feel like you're watching something other than a stag film but both contrive situations that do nothing except push the narrative towards the next sex scene. While COUNTRY CUZZINS has something MIDNIGHT PLOWBOY doesn't - a few genuine laughs - they are largely indistinguishable. The latter could have easily been the sequel to the former.

The plots of the films are not important, really. They are simple constructions that serve two purposes: sex and humor. While both films certainly deliver the softcore goods, neither one is particularly funny. They both feature rednecks doing redneck things and it's easy to see that the filmmakers thought this would be a cheap way to wring some laughs out of their city-dwelling audiences. It doesn't work. However out there these films get, they simply never go far enough. They both make Hee-Haw look positively brilliant. But who cares about the humor right? It's all about the flesh here, folks.

And if it's flesh you want, look now further than BIP. Both COUNTRY CUZZINS and MIDNIGHT PLOWBOY are full of young, naked girls. One of the main draws of COUNTRY CUZZINS is a pre-tit job Rene Bond, here playing a ditzy little farm slut. Bond appeared in dozens of skin flicks, both hardcore and soft, through-out the 1970s. She was a grindhouse girl-next-door, completely likeable and often damned sexy. She also had the added benefit of never looking her age, something that guaranteed her popularity with the slightly older, slightly more pervy crowd. Also on display - in both films, no less - is Debbie Osborne, a personal favorite of mine. Though Osborne lacked Bond's raw sexuality, she was a terrific looking woman who was never shy about stripping nude and getting down to it. Toss in about a dozen other girls and you've got yourself a great naked time.

Unfortunately, none of them can act worth a shit, particularly when they're flat on their backs or straddling a fat man. The sex scenes in these films are incredibly hilarious. Far from being erotic in any way, shape or form, they completely kill any sort of kink. A big part in making a good sex scene is some sense of passion. Here, it's like the directors never slipped out of comedy mode. There is so much flopping around - complete with overdubbed moans of passion - that these scenes quickly become tedious and laughable. The total lack of spice to the sex scenes - as well as the occasional shot of a penis slapping limply against the leg of the naked, moaning girl - ruins the effect completely. I would have preferred 90 minutes of stripteases to this - though, I must admit, I laughed my ass off quite a bit watching these people toss themselves around in the throes of poorly acted ecstacy.

So again I have to ask: what's the point? Sure, these films might be good for a laugh or two and, yes, some of the girls in these films are utterly beautiful but you would probably have a much better time with a double bill of CLERKS and any Brigitte Lahaie film.

Having seen my fair share of 70s sexploitation, I came to this disc looking for a pleasant waste of time. I can't say I was totally disappointed. All I can say is that that's all these films were, a pleasant waste of time. I cannot recommend them for any other reason than the bounty of naked female flesh. If that's your cup of tea, then by all means pick this up.

DISCUSS THIS FILM IN THE FORUM! JUST CLICK HERE TO VISIT!