Films That Witness Madness

review

HELL HIGH AND MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE

We all have them. Guilty pleasures. Those movies you enjoy despite of yourself. Even if they slap around your inner aesthetician, laugh in the face of common sense, and disregard every thing you've learned about proper screen writing, you still love them. While I am well versed enough in film theory to know the difference between a good film and one that is merely entertaining, once and awhile I'll let my inner snob take a backseat and rant and rave about a certain piece of forgettable celluloid. Now I plan to do just that for these two films. The first, HELL HIGH, a story of four teens, all full of 'tude, that mess with the wrong teacher, and the second, MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE, where a wild man takes down over a dozen people with nothing more than a few booby traps, his bare hands, and one large axe.

HELL HIGH is often classified as a slasher film, something it most definitely is not. Ms. Storm is a mentally unbalanced and psychologically frail biology teacher who takes a lot of crap from her rowdy classroom, particularly from Dickens, the school outcast. Vowing to get even after receiving a well-deserved slap in the kisser, Dickens and his two cronies, Smiler (the requisite fat guy/comic relief) and Queenie (his sometimes girlfriend), recruit Jon-Jon, the pretty boy blacklisted as a coward for quitting the football team, to help them raise some hell. They start trashing Ms. Storm's house and then later break in, Dickens and Queenie fondling her as she lays in a tranquilizer-induced stupor. When Ms. Storm throws herself out a second story window, the group panics and tries to cover up her death. Only Ms. Storm isn't dead. Having accidentally killed two teenagers as a child, Ms. Storm is literally on the verge of psychosis. Naturally, Ms. Storm snaps and sets out for revenge on our foursome.

Neither excessively violent or scary, HELL HIGH relies heavily on the afore-mentioned 'tude to hold interest. The characters are likeable, a few of the situations (such as interrupting a football game by driving on the field, intercepting a pass, and then driving away) are funny, and the whole film is played with a light tone that entertains instead of agitates. The abrupt shift in tone during the last half of the film is somewhat disorientating (as is the ending, which comes too soon and is quietly disappointing) as Dickens allows his hostilities to take over his actions but not enough that it ruins that good time 80s buzz.

Casting cool never went out of style in the 80s. Christopher Stryker, who died of AIDS a year after production was completed, gives Dickens that sort of cool nihilism that was all the rage in teen angst comedies of the time. Christopher Cousins, as the hunky ex-footballer Jon-Jon, has the sweet wholesome looks of a John Hughes hero and Millie Prezioso, as the slightly-sluttish Queenie, proves that 80s fashion died for a good goddamned reason. The whole cast looks like BREAKFAST CLUB casting call rejects but they manage a good chemistry with each other and inject real charm and personality into some rather lackluster material.

Another film held above water by likeable characters, MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE is about as ridiculous as they come. On the opening day of a new camp ground in the Memorial Valley wilderness, bad things start to happen. A dead dog is found in the water well, an annoying fat kid goes missing, and someone keeps trashing the camp grounds. The head ranger, George Webster, and David Spangler, the owner's son, try to keep the peace when the fat kid's body (and a bear) turns up in the middle of the camp grounds. Assuming the boy was killed by the bear, George hands out guns and forms a hunting party. Unfortunately for (just about) everyone, the bear is innocent. Seems a wild man, referred to in the credits as The Hermit, doesn't like the fact that they're encroaching on his turf.

Looking like an extra from CAVE DWELLERS, The Hermit has got to be one of the most hilarious killers in cinema history. Decked out in a Flintstones costume, with large fake teeth and a serious lack of modesty (buffalo shots abound), The Hermit makes quick work of most of the cast, breaking necks and backs, pushing two people into a pit full of spikes, and even squashing a few of them using a bulldozer. I swear, watching the "scary" villain tumble and jump around never gets old. But it's, again, all about the characters with this one. With brief appearances from both Cameron Mitchell and William Smith for cred, MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE boasts not only one of the most unattractive casts in the history of the slasher film but also one of the most entertaining. Characters in this film aren't developed but assigned: there's the bad ass bikers, the snobbish couple with their annoying kid, the horny teenagers, and the tough-as-nails Army vet. No one does anything unexpected, nothing new is offered. But the performances are all passable and, more importantly, the parts are cast well. We do get a few decent performances, however, just to even things out a bit. John Kerry brings a little bit of pathos to his role as George, Mark Mears makes David a somewhat appealing hero, and William Smith, with his gravely voice and take-no-shit attitude, is always welcome in my DVD player.

The 80s were a fun time for horror, the perfect comedown from the intense and vicious 70s. Growing up during the decade, I was ensconced in all things 80s culture. I wanted my MTV, drank my Five-Alive, and mastered the choreography of Michael Jackson's Thriller. The majority of my after school time was spent sitting in front of the television watching semi-serious and disgusting masterpieces like RE-ANIMATOR, FROM BEYOND, and RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. While I love 70s horror (in my opinion, the greatest decade of horror cinema, period), I cannot deny the appeal and sheer fun of films like HELL HIGH and MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE. They might not be "good" films. But they sure as hell are "entertaining" films.

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