Films That Witness Madness

review

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT

Take a good look at the picture below, people. That is what the bottom of the barrel looks like.

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT is perhaps best known for the shit storm it brewed up back in 1984. It's depictions of a violent, crazed youth in a Santa Claus outfit made parents and moral watchdog groups see red. They protested, picketed and eventually managed to have the film pulled from the majority of theaters in the U.S.. The idea of turning Santa Claus into a homicidal mass murderer was seen as some kind of assault on public decency, as if Santa Claus were some kind of national hero. Parents worried that the television commercials and print ads would cause children to turn into neurotic, paranoid messes, as if the thought that some jolly, old, fat guy was watching their every move isn't enough to do that all on it's own.

What these people were really complaining about was the desecration of the holiday. Holidays such as Halloween and Valentine's Day, as well as special non-holidays like Friday the 13th and April Fool's Day, had already been used by the slasher film and virtually no one complained. But Christmas?! How dare they?! In their opinion, this was a family occasion - not to mention a religious holiday for many - and should have been left untouched. Fucking absurd, that is. For those of us who are over the age of 10 and/or don't celebrate Christmas, this is just another day. And Santa Claus - that fat, jolly, trespassing voyeur - is about as untouchable as God.

What people should have been really complaining about was the film itself, a half-assed, pathetic attempt at moneymaking made with zero craft and care. It is a terrible film, notable only for being so terribly made that no other film in 1984 could touch it - even films like RAZORBACK and GHOULIES showed some kind of ingenuity. That it is now considered a cult classic in many circles is bizarre. I can't think of a single thing I find enjoyable about the film - aside from a young, naked Linnea Quigley, that is. Even when I was a little, bloodthirsty kid craving more and more horror movie violence, I couldn't tolerate this film. It's awful, in every way. Thankfully, it only runs about 80 minutes but that's 80 minutes you could spend watching virtually any other slasher film. And any other slasher film is what you should be watching instead of this dreck.

I can see how this film would appeal to the easily entertained, intellectually challenged "so bad, it's good" crowd. The acting, if you can call it that, is terrible, the special effects are completely unconvincing, the direction seems mostly made up of static camera shots and the score - which goes from terrible 80s pop to terrible 80s synth scoring - is teeth-grinding stuff. It's filled with unintentionally hilarious moments - like a young child sending a man in a Santa outfit flying out of his chair with one swing of his mighty, little fist - and plot holes that come so fast and furious that you'll lose count after the first half hour. Unfortunately, none of this makes a damned bit of difference to me. "So bad, it's good" doesn't apply here as this film isn't so much "bad" as it is "excruciating".

Avoid it.

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